With two positions filled, we now turn towards the real divas – the pass-catchers. Round 3 brought about more character flaws, deep speed, and a four-legged surprise. Here we go!
Wide receiver/Tight end (2)
- Dan: Rod Tidwell – Jerry Maguire
- Kirk: Phil Elliott – North Dallas Forty
- Holden: Charlie Tweeder – Varsity Blues
- Matt: Brian Murphy – The Replacements
- Dan: Deacon Moss – The Longest Yard (2005)
- Kirk: Rashid “Hot Hands” Hanon – Little Giants
- Holden: Ricky Jerret – Ballers
- Matt: Buddy – Air Bud: Golden Receiver
I’ve got no complaints here. Add a few more egos to this team. Tidwell is a possession receiver but he’s willing to sacrifice his body to make the play. He’s an Arizona boy who wants Arizona money. I get it. Now we’ve got Deacon Moss. The only thing bigger than his ego is his playmaking ability. Just picture what he and Falco (or Uncle Rico) can do. I’m building a dynasty here. Accept it. Embrace it. Be the kwan.
My RBs are definitely one of the best tandems in the league and I think my WRs compliment them perfectly. First, we have Phil Elliott. When you think about great hands, you think Elliott. He’s catching everything coming his way, which is huge, especially in crucial moments–just ask the Eagles. Also, Rashid “Hot Hands” Hanon has a great pair of mitts. Yeah, he struggled at first, but imagining a roll of Charmin unraveling as it falls perfectly into his waiting hands gives him a soft touch and makes him golden. These guys give a deep threat to keep the defense honest.
Keeping up with the current roster trend of ignoring morality, I’m going with Tweeder and Jerret. Tweeder is a Wes Welker clone, with reliable hands, crisp routes, and the ability to work inside and outside the hash marks. He’ll be a safety valve and a tough-cover every week. Ricky Jerret checks all of the boxes, plus he brings suitcases of money to the strip club – an admirable trait. As long as no one is wearing his number, he’ll be a top performer.
Coach Jimmy McGinty is on record saying that Brian Murphy would have been a first-round pick if he wasn’t deaf. That’s high praise from the ex-Sentinels skipper, and he’s not wrong. Murphy is the prototypical NFL tight end – good height, velcro hands, and underrated athleticism. He’ll own the center of the field for this offense, especially with Buddy running rampant downfield. Buddy was unstoppable; imagine a hybrid of Odell Beckham Jr, Percy Harvin, and Adrian Peterson. You can’t press him at the line of scrimmage, he’ll outrun any zone coverage, and he has a great
pair of hands mouth. His YAC is astronomical and he can get involved in the run-game on jet sweeps as well. Have you ever tried to catch a loose dog running around? It’s impossible. The cupboard gets even more stocked.
Also, we’ll get all of the page views from the PETA folks. Sorry. This dog’s purpose is to win. (Too soon?)
(LEGAL DISCLAIMER: No dogs were harmed in the drafting of this position)