Starting today and running through Super Bowl Sunday, Sons of Saxer will be drafting fantasy football teams. Each day will feature a new position, starting with quarterback and ending with coach. But these will not be ordinary fantasy teams; you won’t be able to find your scores or rosters in an app or online. These teams will be made up of some of the greatest movie and TV football players ever to play on the fake gridiron. In these match-ups, we all win.
- 10-round snake draft
- No back-to-back picks for owners within position groups
- Order will be reversed starting with the next position group
- No “real” or biographic players
- Cannot select Dan Marino from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
- Cannot select Gale Sayers from Brian’s Song
- Selections can be vetoed by 2 to 1 vote for legality
Without further ado, the Sons of Saxer present, the quarterbacks.
- Dan: Shane Falco – The Replacements
- Kirk: Paul Crewe – The Longest Yard (2005)
- Holden: Ronnie “Sunshine” Bass – Remember the Titans
- Matt: Vince Howard – Friday Night Lights (TV)
- Dan: Uncle Rico – Napoleon Dynamite
- Kirk: Alex Moran – Blue Mountain State
- Holden: Gee Grenouille – The Waterboy
- Matt: Willie Beamen – Any Given Sunday
What can I say? I like projects. Falco is a head case. But the guy has grit. He can throw a very catchable ball. Even with a crazy supporting cast, he still makes plays. He’s a Buckeye, but I can look past that. My QB2 is the real bread and butter here. Rico exudes confidence on and off the field. He’s got unrealized potential but the skillset to make it work. The guy can throw it over mountains for Pete’s sake.
Honorable Mention: Johnny Utah. I’d have taken him but that Rose Bowl knee injury scares me. Hell of a surfer though.
In the remake of The Longest Yard, Paul Crewe is a washed-up has-been, wrangling with his life altering decision to shave points to save his skin. But when Crewe leads the Mean Machine back against the guards, he not only is able to atone for his sins, he plays some pretty damn good football. He’s an easy choice as my franchise quarterback. As for Moran, the fact that he didn’t care about football, but realized his gift and put up huge numbers, makes him a solid backup.
Is there a movie character that looks more like a movie quarterback than Sunshine? Equipped with a great arm and flowing locks, Bass was crucial in bringing a racially-torn community together. He went on to start at the University of South Carolina for two seasons. I want winners, and what is greater than bringing a community together by winning a state championship? Gee is the perfect back-up. He’s not good enough to cause a QB controversy but is good enough to manage the game with a strong team around him. It’s important to have good morale in the locker-room and Gee will keep it light. Honestly, this was really about finding an obscure reference to ride pine, and I think it was a pretty good pull.
I’m sorry to tell everyone, but the rest of the draft has been cancelled; I’ve already won whatever it is that we’re competing for. I got the top two players on my board with the two lowest picks. Vince Howard came off the street (literally) to become the most sought after high school quarterback in the country. Blessed with elite speed and a howitzer for an arm, Howard carried the East Dillon Lions out of the depths to a Texas state title. He’s a dual-threat and can fit into any offensive scheme due to his natural abilities. I was planning on taking Willie Beamen’s veteran teammate Cap Rooney with this pick (Jason Street and Mike Winchell were under consideration) but when Willie shockingly went undrafted, I had to pull the trigger. Maybe he fell down draft boards because of his infamous music video. Will he be a distraction?
Probably Perhaps. But you can’t pass up this kind of talent.